I DNF'd at Blackall 100 today, pulling the pin just 40km in. It was a beautiful course, awesome single track and just a really well organised event. My legs were feeling good and energy levels seemed great. So why did I pull out? At first I was really embarrassed to admit this, but the truth is, I was emotionally not coping with it.
From 22km when I fed Verity, I just wanted to finish and be with her. I missed her. I felt guilty. I couldn't fathom the idea of not being with her until the middle of the night. A week ago I would have scoffed at this notion. Verity was perfectly fine without me for a day, I just wasn't ok without her. I kept thinking that I was going back to work in two months and here I was wasting precious time. A lot of other negative thoughts then started to enter my mind. Not about being tired or sore, just negative thoughts about things outside of running. Of course this fed back into my guilt as I was wondering why I was spending time away from my precious bub when I wasn't even enjoying myself. Overall, I just had an overwhelming sense that this is not what I should be doing. It didn't feel right.
I had a couple other problems too. I fell and my back was starting to hurt a bit. There were some other health issues but these weren't really why I stopped.
I'm not disappointed with the decision I made, although I am disappointed that this was how I felt today. It was such a beautiful course and I would love to do it one day. Maybe just when Verity is a bit older and things feel right.
It was great seeing so many familiar faces out there and I hope everyone achieved their goals and has fun.
Saturday, November 8, 2014
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Washpool 50k
I felt the same level of anxiety before Washpool 50km as I did before my first ultra back in 2010, which was also a 50km. I've done a lot of ultras since then but I have had a long off season. My last ultra was back in November 2012, so 50km seemed like an awfully long way again. I wasn't terribly confident about my fitness over a longer distance as my longest training run was only 35km and left me with quite saw abs. I figure my abs are the body part taking the longest to recover from pregnancy given they were worked and stretched pretty hard for so long. At least for this 50km I didn't enlist a friend to drive around to every checkpoint with a car load of gear and food, I just enlisted my mom to babysit.
Getting to the start line on time proved to be the first hurdle of the day but MM managed to get us there with a few minutes to spare. I have never been this close to missing the start but with Verity waking several times during the night, I was a little slow to get moving this particular morning.
The course was as beautiful as I remembered and I was exhilarated to be back out taking part in an ultra. It didn't take long for my nerves to settle and I just enjoyed being out in such a beautiful part of the world. Upon reaching the first checkpoint I stopped and breast fed Verity. This was the best option as she isn't too keen on the bottle and I didn't want to leave mom with a screaming, dehydrated baby. I also would have had to pump at some point if I didn't feed her, so it seemed kinda pointless for mom to battle her with the bottle. It didn't take long and then I was on my way again, running down, down, down the big hill.
The next water stop wasn't long after the first checkpoint and then it was no water until the next checkpoint at about 35km, so maybe around 22km without water. This sounds manageable, but I think people tend to under estimate what they need as this is a very hot and exposed section of e course. I went through 2L and was empty a few km out from the next checkpoint but I figured that my hydration was just fine given the myriad toilet stops that I had to make.
I fed Verity again at the next checkpoint. Mom and MM (who had come third in the 25km) reported that she had been a very happy bub so that was a relief. My plan had been to pull the pin at this point if Verity was getting cranky or if I was moving too slow (as we still had a long drive back to Brissie and I didn't want to keep her out too late). I was very happy that I was feeling good and moving much faster than I expected. The feeding stop gave me a nice little break and MM got my pack ready for the last section.
When I did this race in 2011 I really struggled through this last section and I had expected that to happen again. As the kilometres kept ticking by I kept waiting to completely hit the wall but somehow my energy levels stayed just fine, something I have never experienced in a 50km. I always find myself really struggling in the last 5km so this was a very welcome change. I finished the race over an hour faster than I did in 2011 and was happy to be back with Verity. It felt like such a huge achievement for me. Although my time isn't fast in comparison to other people's, it is a time that I am super proud of as it is quite descent for me. I felt like I had a really good race and I'm really looking forward to the next one.
Getting to the start line on time proved to be the first hurdle of the day but MM managed to get us there with a few minutes to spare. I have never been this close to missing the start but with Verity waking several times during the night, I was a little slow to get moving this particular morning.
The course was as beautiful as I remembered and I was exhilarated to be back out taking part in an ultra. It didn't take long for my nerves to settle and I just enjoyed being out in such a beautiful part of the world. Upon reaching the first checkpoint I stopped and breast fed Verity. This was the best option as she isn't too keen on the bottle and I didn't want to leave mom with a screaming, dehydrated baby. I also would have had to pump at some point if I didn't feed her, so it seemed kinda pointless for mom to battle her with the bottle. It didn't take long and then I was on my way again, running down, down, down the big hill.
The next water stop wasn't long after the first checkpoint and then it was no water until the next checkpoint at about 35km, so maybe around 22km without water. This sounds manageable, but I think people tend to under estimate what they need as this is a very hot and exposed section of e course. I went through 2L and was empty a few km out from the next checkpoint but I figured that my hydration was just fine given the myriad toilet stops that I had to make.
I fed Verity again at the next checkpoint. Mom and MM (who had come third in the 25km) reported that she had been a very happy bub so that was a relief. My plan had been to pull the pin at this point if Verity was getting cranky or if I was moving too slow (as we still had a long drive back to Brissie and I didn't want to keep her out too late). I was very happy that I was feeling good and moving much faster than I expected. The feeding stop gave me a nice little break and MM got my pack ready for the last section.
When I did this race in 2011 I really struggled through this last section and I had expected that to happen again. As the kilometres kept ticking by I kept waiting to completely hit the wall but somehow my energy levels stayed just fine, something I have never experienced in a 50km. I always find myself really struggling in the last 5km so this was a very welcome change. I finished the race over an hour faster than I did in 2011 and was happy to be back with Verity. It felt like such a huge achievement for me. Although my time isn't fast in comparison to other people's, it is a time that I am super proud of as it is quite descent for me. I felt like I had a really good race and I'm really looking forward to the next one.
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Sweet Single Track
On Saturday, my long time running buddy, Tam, and I went on a little adventure. It kinda got changed last minute and I came up with the idea to just explore things from my house (so I could be close by if Verity was fussing and not taking a bottle). It could have been pretty boring, and for the first 5 or so kilometres, I think Tam was thinking that was where we were headed. I was sure though, that we would find bush that would eventually lead us to some tracks that I know well. It was that bit of bush in between that really intrigued me.
Well that bit of bush in between, it contained some awesome single track. The single track was made more awesome by the rainy weather and the beautiful setting. We may have been on scout property but there were no signs or gates to tell us that we couldn't be there, so we went with it. I have honestly not had this much fun running in over a year. I am not as confident on single track as I once was (losing your sense of a balance a bit for several months while your belly carries a parasite/baby can do that to you), but I am getting it back. It was exhilerating flying down those paths and well worth it to head back up. By the end of the run my legs were heavy and I was just shattered, but that good kind of shattered, where you go home and stretch and lie on the floor, picturing all that beautiful scenery in your head over and over again. I can't wait to explore more of it next weekend!
This is a map of the really fun bits.
Well that bit of bush in between, it contained some awesome single track. The single track was made more awesome by the rainy weather and the beautiful setting. We may have been on scout property but there were no signs or gates to tell us that we couldn't be there, so we went with it. I have honestly not had this much fun running in over a year. I am not as confident on single track as I once was (losing your sense of a balance a bit for several months while your belly carries a parasite/baby can do that to you), but I am getting it back. It was exhilerating flying down those paths and well worth it to head back up. By the end of the run my legs were heavy and I was just shattered, but that good kind of shattered, where you go home and stretch and lie on the floor, picturing all that beautiful scenery in your head over and over again. I can't wait to explore more of it next weekend!
This is a map of the really fun bits.
Friday, August 1, 2014
Pressure's Off
I had this idea in the back of my mind when I was pregnant, that I didn't want to use a baby as an excuse to not run, or to not run much. I didn't want my baby to be an excuse for becoming unfit. I set myself some very specific goals, despite having no idea how my body would recover from pregnancy and labour.
I still agree with my general idea that I shouldn't use it as an excuse, but I need to add a bit more to the end of that - don't use the baby as an excuse when it isn't one. Sometimes my daughter is a valid excuse. Despite the ideas I may have gotten from 'Save Our Sleep', I have found that I cannot simply schedule a run during one of V's naps for any number of reasons: she wakes up constantly thoughout the nap, she only naps for 30mins and I planned a 90 min run or simply, I need to use that time to have a shower and brush my teeth because she won't give me a chance to do that any other time. The thing is, that doesn't happen every day, and I can at least do something. If she wakes up every 10 minutes, well I can do some good interval training and if she wakes up after half an hour, well a half hour run is better than nothing. The biggest issue that I am facing is that I can never really leave the house without V these days. Most of the time Chris is at work and even when he isn't, I only have a short window of time where I can go out before V cracks it for a feed (and she won't take a bottle anymore). We do have a treadmill though, and I am starting to think that V will be able to go in the jogger pram soon. So I have other options.
I guess what I have learnt is that I need to be flexible. There is no point having a training program because most of the time I can't plan like that. So I have changed my goals. I no longer want to achieve x kilometres per week or finish a particular race. I simply want to get as fit as I reasonably can. Yesterday I had planned to do a 15km trail run, but by the time Chris got home I didn't have enough time to get to the forest and run, so instead I headed out the front door, on the road. After a few kilometres though, it occured to me that I wouldn't be able to do 15km before V needed a feed (I had forgotten that Chris getting home late affected that timing too), so instead I cut it down to 10km. So my 15km trail run turned into a 10km road run. According to my new goal though, I achieved what I set out to - I did the best I could.
I find it hard to let go of structure and training programs. Hard to let go of the races I want to do. Hard to let go of my particular relationship with running. I need to though. I need to take the pressure off myself. Otherwise I will never love running the way I used to.
I still agree with my general idea that I shouldn't use it as an excuse, but I need to add a bit more to the end of that - don't use the baby as an excuse when it isn't one. Sometimes my daughter is a valid excuse. Despite the ideas I may have gotten from 'Save Our Sleep', I have found that I cannot simply schedule a run during one of V's naps for any number of reasons: she wakes up constantly thoughout the nap, she only naps for 30mins and I planned a 90 min run or simply, I need to use that time to have a shower and brush my teeth because she won't give me a chance to do that any other time. The thing is, that doesn't happen every day, and I can at least do something. If she wakes up every 10 minutes, well I can do some good interval training and if she wakes up after half an hour, well a half hour run is better than nothing. The biggest issue that I am facing is that I can never really leave the house without V these days. Most of the time Chris is at work and even when he isn't, I only have a short window of time where I can go out before V cracks it for a feed (and she won't take a bottle anymore). We do have a treadmill though, and I am starting to think that V will be able to go in the jogger pram soon. So I have other options.
I guess what I have learnt is that I need to be flexible. There is no point having a training program because most of the time I can't plan like that. So I have changed my goals. I no longer want to achieve x kilometres per week or finish a particular race. I simply want to get as fit as I reasonably can. Yesterday I had planned to do a 15km trail run, but by the time Chris got home I didn't have enough time to get to the forest and run, so instead I headed out the front door, on the road. After a few kilometres though, it occured to me that I wouldn't be able to do 15km before V needed a feed (I had forgotten that Chris getting home late affected that timing too), so instead I cut it down to 10km. So my 15km trail run turned into a 10km road run. According to my new goal though, I achieved what I set out to - I did the best I could.
I find it hard to let go of structure and training programs. Hard to let go of the races I want to do. Hard to let go of my particular relationship with running. I need to though. I need to take the pressure off myself. Otherwise I will never love running the way I used to.
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Running for the thrill of it
Running has given me far more than what is obvious. When I started running it was for a simple reason - to lose weight and to stop bending over on the soccer pitch and coughing like a smoker. Running helped in those areas, but running has given me so much more than that. Running has given me inner peace (yep like a hippy), a love of the great outdoors, confidence and above all else, it has given me the most amazing bunch of friends, a group of people who include me and help me out. It has given me somewhere to belong.
In the last few years, I have developed such an appreciation of the great outdoors. Where previously my traveling expeditions took me to big cities and famous historical sites (still of interest to me), now I find myself drawn to mountains, lakes and trails. I care deeply about the world in which I live. I enjoy seeing the sunrise and running under the light of the moon. I get a thrill out of spotting wildlife (with the exception of birds of course). In discovering this new appreciation of the great outdoors, I have found it easier to let things go, to accept the good with the bad, to see the highs and lows as the ebbs and flows of life. I am just one tiny spec in this beautiful playground. There is no need to get hung up on what I cannot change.
Running has also taught me that I can do things that scare me. I can run in the dark by myself; I can travel 100 miles by foot; I can hike up mountains. Where I once thought I couldn't run two laps of a soccer pitch, I now have this belief that if I put my mind to it and work hard, my body can take me wherever I want it to (albeit slowly). This confidence has infused into other elements of my life.
The friends I have made along the way in this running adventure are what I value most of all. I have found a group of people who make me laugh, who inspire me, who help and encourage me and who want to share this adventure with me. Of course I have wonderful friends from outside running too, but with running I have found an entire group of people with whom I belong. I don't simply have a handful of friends that I have met through various elements of my life, but there is a whole group that I am a part of. There is this little niche where I can sit and not feel like the odd one out. Recently I have been going through some rough times and along with my two best friends and my family, my friends I have met through running have been amazing. I cannot express how grateful I am for all the love and support that has been shown.
In the last few years, I have developed such an appreciation of the great outdoors. Where previously my traveling expeditions took me to big cities and famous historical sites (still of interest to me), now I find myself drawn to mountains, lakes and trails. I care deeply about the world in which I live. I enjoy seeing the sunrise and running under the light of the moon. I get a thrill out of spotting wildlife (with the exception of birds of course). In discovering this new appreciation of the great outdoors, I have found it easier to let things go, to accept the good with the bad, to see the highs and lows as the ebbs and flows of life. I am just one tiny spec in this beautiful playground. There is no need to get hung up on what I cannot change.
Running has also taught me that I can do things that scare me. I can run in the dark by myself; I can travel 100 miles by foot; I can hike up mountains. Where I once thought I couldn't run two laps of a soccer pitch, I now have this belief that if I put my mind to it and work hard, my body can take me wherever I want it to (albeit slowly). This confidence has infused into other elements of my life.
The friends I have made along the way in this running adventure are what I value most of all. I have found a group of people who make me laugh, who inspire me, who help and encourage me and who want to share this adventure with me. Of course I have wonderful friends from outside running too, but with running I have found an entire group of people with whom I belong. I don't simply have a handful of friends that I have met through various elements of my life, but there is a whole group that I am a part of. There is this little niche where I can sit and not feel like the odd one out. Recently I have been going through some rough times and along with my two best friends and my family, my friends I have met through running have been amazing. I cannot express how grateful I am for all the love and support that has been shown.
Monday, July 14, 2014
Hello Pavement My Old Friend
I went for a road run last week - yikes. I'm not much of a road runner but recently it has been my only option as it is a lot more practical than trails. I had a bit of a run in with this nasty bit of pavement.
I know, very technical. I did that thing, where you almost catch yourself but don't quite. Pavement hurts when you hit it. Hurts your pride too, but mostly it hurt my hip and knees.
The knees didn't come up too well in this photo, but I have some nice bruises.
Anyways, I think I should stick to trails. I generally stay upright on those. On the positive, I did get back up and run faster than the 5km goal I have been working towards, and that included 20 seconds face down on the sidewalk.
I know, very technical. I did that thing, where you almost catch yourself but don't quite. Pavement hurts when you hit it. Hurts your pride too, but mostly it hurt my hip and knees.
The knees didn't come up too well in this photo, but I have some nice bruises.
Anyways, I think I should stick to trails. I generally stay upright on those. On the positive, I did get back up and run faster than the 5km goal I have been working towards, and that included 20 seconds face down on the sidewalk.
Friday, June 27, 2014
Motivation
Somedays I really lack the motivation to go out for a run. This is a pretty new feeling for me, as I have always looked forward to runs in the past. Once I am out running I have a great time. I think it must come from being tired. Most nights I get about 6-7 hours of sleep but it is usually broken up into 2 or 3 hour lots (I don't complain as this is a lot better than what a lot of mums get). My days are then spent trying to cram as much in as I can. When I finally get a break, it means everything is done and my husband is home to look after V. It is very tempting to use that time to sit in front of the tv or have a nap. Going out for a run also means I will probably need to pump when I get home as I have missed a feed. When V was sick for a couple of weeks, I basically did no exercise because then I was getting about 4 hours sleep, broken up into 1 hr segments.
I have found the motivation to go back out now. This week I did my longest post pregnancy run - a tick over 15km. I ran in Moggill Forest and it was slow going but that just means it is easy to improve on :) The most amazing part was that in 15km I only encountered one other person. Solitude takes on new value these days.
I have found the motivation to go back out now. This week I did my longest post pregnancy run - a tick over 15km. I ran in Moggill Forest and it was slow going but that just means it is easy to improve on :) The most amazing part was that in 15km I only encountered one other person. Solitude takes on new value these days.
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