I DNF'd at Blackall 100 today, pulling the pin just 40km in. It was a beautiful course, awesome single track and just a really well organised event. My legs were feeling good and energy levels seemed great. So why did I pull out? At first I was really embarrassed to admit this, but the truth is, I was emotionally not coping with it.
From 22km when I fed Verity, I just wanted to finish and be with her. I missed her. I felt guilty. I couldn't fathom the idea of not being with her until the middle of the night. A week ago I would have scoffed at this notion. Verity was perfectly fine without me for a day, I just wasn't ok without her. I kept thinking that I was going back to work in two months and here I was wasting precious time. A lot of other negative thoughts then started to enter my mind. Not about being tired or sore, just negative thoughts about things outside of running. Of course this fed back into my guilt as I was wondering why I was spending time away from my precious bub when I wasn't even enjoying myself. Overall, I just had an overwhelming sense that this is not what I should be doing. It didn't feel right.
I had a couple other problems too. I fell and my back was starting to hurt a bit. There were some other health issues but these weren't really why I stopped.
I'm not disappointed with the decision I made, although I am disappointed that this was how I felt today. It was such a beautiful course and I would love to do it one day. Maybe just when Verity is a bit older and things feel right.
It was great seeing so many familiar faces out there and I hope everyone achieved their goals and has fun.
